Being a mom isn't my most interesting feature...

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"Me" before becoming "Mom" in France

Dear Ms. Meadow Stallings,

I should really just type the words "thank you" and have that be enough. The focus and clarity of your words are impressive.  For the sake of anyone else who finds comfort in community, I will share why your words were validating for me.

Four years of fertility treatments, obsessive, compulsive, hell bent on perfection, postpartum depression, debilitating fear of loss, anxiety and a total loss of ability to feel excitement is how I would summarize myself before and after becoming a mother.  There was also love and joy but I could not fully appreciate it.  Today, 3 years & 9 months after getting exactly what I said I would have died for, I am finally alive again.  I finally realized that trying to be the perfect mother to my son turned me into someone who wasn't interesting, had no real identity, wasn't happy and (the very worst part) did not like or (even worse) love, myself!

Since this realization I have spent most of my “me” time running.  It is something that I know I am good at.  Running brings me a tremendous amount of peace and satisfaction.  I run Half Marathons because I love that particular distance.  It is just far enough to always affirm that I can do anything…if I can just get through the last 20 minutes.  Running gives me the gift of a love for my body.  This is not something that comes to me easily.  Running clears the negative thoughts out of my head. I also have the most amazing community of women who champion everything “me” (not just the Mom part of me).  Some of these friends have children and some do not.  The thing I value the most is that there is no competition or judgment among our group of “moms”.  We all parent differently and value our differences.  This dynamic gives an amazing safety net of love and support when we feel that we are failing as mothers.  Let’s face it, we are always hardest on ourselves.  Every time I put myself down in front of my best friend (which is often); she says “don’t talk about my friend that way”.  That is a huge hug from love in the form of words.  I have a thirst for solving problems/puzzles (fulfilled by my job), understanding politics (fulfilled by my inquisitive partner in parenting) and the state of the human existence outside of my upper middle class urban bubble (inspired by my friends who carry the torch for Human Rights). 

I want my son to look at me when he is 25 and see me at that moment as a woman that he respects and admires, not just the Mom I was when he was my singular focus.  He will see a woman whose opinions matter and this will shape his understanding of the world. I want him to seek out those things that he will come to value in his partner.  He won't be searching for the perfect "mother" when he seeks a partner in life.  He should be searching for a person who is intelligent, self-confident, capable, loving and selfish. Yes, she should be selfish.  I hope she will be selfish, like his mother, and know that energy spent being the very best "you" that you can be is the best gift you can give your partner...and, ultimately, your child. 

Pasta Night 2

 

Orecchiette Pasta with Broccoli & Pancetta

Recipe HERE

 

This recipe was good, although while putting it all together it looked bland.  It turned out to be far from bland because pancetta from Central Market has a lot of pepper in it and yummy saltiness.  It just seemed like it needed a "sauce".  After putting it all together we transferred it to a bowl and used 1/2 cup of Chicken stock to deglaze the skillet and about 2 Tbs. of 1/2 & 1/2 with salt and pepper.  Whisked on medium high heat and adding 1/2 cup Parmigiana creates a very light sauce.  Voila!  Another Pasta Night tackled.  Summer Sun Pasta is still the victor, until next week...when we will see if Summer Sun stays on top or not.

Stop this train....

I blinked and something happened between yesterday and today. Trevor walked up to his white board and started "writing". I heard him say "T. R. E. V. O. R". When I looked over he was actually writing his name. He did it over and over. I helped him with his "E's" but other than that it was all him! I am really impressed!

Then he wanted to take his Cars book to bed so that he could read to himself. Awesome! He has memorized the book, not quite a real reader yet but it is a great first step in confidence in reading.

We had a bit of a rough evening since he got tired of my 4 mile run about 2.5 miles in but that seems like a lifetime ago, now!!

Double 15 Dominos- for 3.5 year olds

I'm not an early childhood development expert, which is a testament to an undergraduate degree not being worth more than the paper it's printed on since I majored in Early Childhood Development! But, being home bound and working with a boy who loves to dump out a mess, counting and colors...I made up this game and it is awesome!! and let's face it, we never have enough party guests to use Double 15 Dominos.

1.  I spread out all the dominos facing up.
2.  Asked Trevor which color dots we would "eye spy" first.
3.  Counted the dots for that color and started hunting for purple sixes.
4.  The first color picked will yield 16 dominos. Next color 15 and so on. That is another opportunity to count and is a fun feeling of accomplishment.
5.   Keep going until they are all put back away in the box. So, you also get a mess cleaned up while you are at it.

I did have to play some zone defense and say, "I see some in this area" in the beginning to help him stay enganged rather than frustrated.

 

 

Summer Sun Pasta

Pasta Night episode 1

The gauntlet has been thrown...straight down the gullet!  Sunday started a tradition of dueling pasta night.  The review of my first entry for family pasta night was "that is summer in a bowl!"  I have set the bar high with this simple, fresh and yummy dish.  The idea was inspired by this DISH on the Pioneer Woman blog.  I forgot to take a picture, because I was starving!

I even forgot the pinch of nutmeg, so maybe it could have been a touch more delicious...but, I doubt it.  Mr. Picky Pants won't eat onions, mayonnaise or eggs...so you will notice a theme in these items missing from any recipe posted in this series.

"Summer Sun Spaghetti"
1/2 # thick spaghetti
1 C Super Sweet grape tomatoes- sliced in 1/2 (these were a yellow/orange color- hence the "Sun")
1 C canned artichoke hearts (not marinated in oil, just plain)
1/8 C Half & Half
1 C Parmesan Cheese- grated
2 cloves garlic
2 Tbs olive oil
salt
pepper
*pinch of nutmeg

Heat 1Tbs of Olive Oil in an Everyday Pan, saute minced garlic, add artichoke hearts (whole) for 1-2 minutes, add tomatoes, salt, pepper and cover.  Let simmer for 4-5 minutes until tomatoes have broken down.  Add Half & Half and simmer for 1-2 more minutes.  Ladle the sauce over the pasta/cheese* and toss lightly. 

*Boil pasta al dente, drain and toss with 1 Tbs of olive oil. Put warm pasta in bowls and cover with grated cheese. Let sit, while the sauce is finishing.

This is a "PC" recipe, "portion control".  If you want to feed more than 2 people or have left overs, double the recipe.  Always have chicken stock (or Veggie for Aunt Jenn) to add if the tomato reduction doesn't produce enough liquid.  The sauce should be not too thick and not too thin, just enough to coat the pasta but not create a "sopping" sauce at the bottom. 

I use Half & Half for everything, in place or milk and heavy cream, equally.  It stays fresh in the refrigerator FOREVER and works with almost any dish that calls for dairy. 

Pre-School Teacher Gifts

A small token for Trevor's Pre-School teachers.  Yes, they are teachers.  Trevor told me all about Saturn, Mars, Jupiter and Earth last week!

The note reads:  "Thanks for being Trevor's "key" to success"

Easy Peasy:

1. Use 3X4" scraps of fabric
2. Place fabric "right" sides IN
3. Sew up a 4" side, across 3" and down the other 4" leaving a 3" side open
4. Mitre the corners with scissors
5. Turn outside, in- square out the corners
6. Insert 2.5X3.5 inch piece of Light HeatBond interfacing
7. Turn in the open edges like a pillow case
8. Insert 3" ribbon, folded in 1/2 with 1" sticking out
9. Iron it to seat the HeatBond and flatten it out
10. TopStitch around in a square to close, secure ribbon & flatten the fob
11. Paint & Glitter an old key just for gift giving decoration -or- spraypaint a new/blank key and use vinyl letters to put their name on it.

King Ranch Chicken

RECIPE HERE

The verdict was...."it was good".  Here are the things I like about it:

1. It doesn't ask for soup in a can, all the foods are whole and fresh
2. One roasted chicken is the perfect amount of chicken, without using much of the dark meat

Tips-

1. Always shred your own, good cheese.  Preshredded cheese has a starchy consistency to keep it from clumping together and can taste alittle plastic
2. Make 2 smaller pans
3. DON'T over soak the tortillas- mine got too soggy
4. Keep the tortillas whole, as the recipe calls for.  I thought I would be clever and cut them into strips like lasagna and I think I will try whole next time
5. You can adjust the heat if you have kiddo's or people who don't like spicy by using diced tomatoes instead of Rotel
6. Immediately take the peppers from the over and cover them in plastic wrap.  Let them sit until they cool off enough to touch.  The peels come off much easier.
7. Wear rubber gloves when chopping and handling peppers- I keep a box of restaurant gloves in my kitchen to use with peppers, garlic, shallots etc.!!

Cooking

If you know me at all...you know I love to cook.  Being single and living on my own (for the first time EVER really) has resulted in me having a different outlook on dinner.  A dinner of hummus, apples, cheese, nuts or leftover toddler dinner (plain pasta, 1/2 eaten chicken nugget, tots) is considered a good dinner in my book.  13 years of Cooks Illustrated and several other award winning cookbooks are just sitting on my shelf...gathering dust. 

So, I got a nudge when I someone came over and the only thing I had for dinner was Mac & Cheese.  I went through my freezer and pantry and decided to make some food, with love, freeze it, share it or eat it!

With what I had already in my freezer:
Ground Chicken
Chicken Thighs
Italian Sausage
Chicken Sausage

I spent $66.54 at Sam's Club and $33.88 at Walmart ($5 for a Matter T-Shirt)

Recipes to come for:
Make Aheads-

• Shredded Chicken Burittos smothered in Hatch Chili (Made 14 and freezed them without the sauce)
• King Ranch Chicken (used a whole roasted chicken from Sam's and the rest of the tortillas from above)
• 2 Shredded Chicken Quesadillas

30 Minute Whip Ups-

• Skillet Greek Lasagna with Greek Chicken Meatballs
• Chicken Sausage & Pasta with fresh Mozzerella
• Omlets
• Artichoke Dip
• Skillet Italian Lasagna

Dessert-

• Chocolate Chip Scones

Eddie Vedder

I have stated that I am late to the party when it comes to Pearl Jam and Eddie Vedder. True statement! I have stopped checking my FB page at work and deleted the app on my phone because it is a waste of precious time that I don't have enough of. FB being a waste of time that I don't have wasn't enough of a reason to tune it out. It took the Supreme Court to steel my resolve. I know more about politics than most women in my demographic because I think it is important, but not because I think my particular issues and needs are more important than anyone else's dissenting views. The polar "debate" through singular posts make me crazy. Not as crazy as people who post "pray for me, but I can't tell you why" type messages...those take the cake!

...back to Vedder- go ahead and listen to Society (Into the Wild soundtrack) and Patriot and hover above it all and try to see this world and it's people- all of them- from a much less divisive perspective. I always want to just get in the car and drive...far...far away to Montana to be truly alone in nature. Or, as an ex-patriot in France so that I can appreciate what I already have when I hear those songs.

Happy Sunday! It's going to be a long road to November. Seek out truly important news and don't believe everything that scrolls at the bottom of the news feed!

ps. An entire post will be dedicated to the travesty of the Into the Wild soundtrack and Society receiving ZERO Academy Award nominations.